The Tao, the Panic, and the Power of Self-Love

There was a time when life gripped me by the throat. Panic would rise up without warning — heavy, paralyzing, terrifying.

I would struggle to breathe. The fear would come from nowhere, or so it seemed. A terror that I didn’t have words for would flood my body. It felt like being dragged under by something invisible and immense.

I remember those moments. The helplessness. The raw, unspoken grief stuffed inside me until it broke free in the form of panic attacks.

Back then, I didn’t know what I was missing. But now I do.

Self-love. Without it, we’re trapped in endless loops —abusive relationships, self-doubt, the cruel inner critic that never stops whispering we’re not enough.

Meeting the Tao for the First Time

When I first started listening to the Tao Te Ching, something cracked open inside me. It wasn’t dramatic — it was deep.

It felt like the Tao was speaking directly from my soul. Sometimes I would listen to the audiobook just to fall asleep — a soft refuge — but there were nights when the words vibrated so powerfully inside me that I stayed wide awake, buzzing with a knowing I couldn't explain.

"There is no good. There is no bad. There just is."

Every time I return to the Tao, it teaches me something new. It’s like looking through a different lens each time —And realizing that many modern spiritual teachers, many so-called “gurus,” are simply repeating what the Tao has whispered all along.

The truth isn’t flashy. It’s simple, sacred, and alive.

The Pressure Has Changed

Today, the pressure of life feels different. It hasn’t disappeared completely — sure, I still have my moments, especially during those "shark week" days. (Hormones, I see you. 🦈😂)

But the terror is gone. The panic is gone.

Now, when life gets heavy, I remember: There is only the now. And every moment passes.

When things feel overwhelming, I ask:" Am I seeing from a place that clouds my vision, or can I step outside myself and see the deeper truth?"

It doesn't mean I'm perfect. It means I'm present. And presence is everything.

What I Would Tell My Younger Self

If I could go back to those old panic attacks, I would kneel beside my younger self, hold her trembling hands, and whisper:

Dear younger self, Fear not of this — it is a lesson. There is wisdom here, waiting for you to gather. Find the love within, and all will unfold in the right time. Life is not as harsh as it feels right now. The lost and lonely you will find home within your heart. Stay strong. Trust that you are held and loved dearly. I see you. I hold you. — Your future self

The Acts of Self-Love I Carry Now

These days, self-love isn’t a theory — it’s how I live.

I return to the things that once brought me joy. I honor the sacredness of my body, mind, and soul. I express myself — not bottling up emotions waiting to explode. (Not doing that anymore, thank you. 😂)

When something hurts, I feel it now. When something moves me, I honor it.

Self-love isn’t always pretty. But it’s always worth it.

A Reminder for You

Wherever you are right now —in grief, in rage, in confusion, in hope —know this:

You are not lost. You are not broken. You are right where you need to be to grow.

Take the time to honor your feelings. Express what needs to be expressed. And see yourself not as a victim of life —but as a powerful being capable of walking through all that comes your way.

You are the god and goddess of your own temple. You do not need validation from the outside. You are your own best friend. Your own keeper. Your own sacred home.

And you are always, always loved — from within.

🌿

Want to explore the Tao Te Ching for yourself?

This is the version I return to again and again. It’s soft, simple, and soul-stirring every time I open it. https://amzn.to/4jRFpKt

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